What really bothers me about the Mother's Day sales pitch

I am well aware of what it means to advertise a washing machine or a vacuum clearer on Mother's Day. It says that moms are there to cook for you, do your dishes and wash your clothes and that the best thing you can give them for Mother's Day is something that will make that part of their life easier. And I do admit that it bugs me when I see those ads up there on the billboards, reminding us all women that no matter how far in our careers we advance, a part of society will always see us as juice making pressure cookers. But what bothers me even more is this: If the ads don't speak to anyone, why are they still running them? If appliance stores don't get flooded with customers on Mother's Day, would they all really keep spending on the same failed concept year after year?

The thing is, the problem is more than the role of women in our society - and this where I get cheesy. We buy these appliances because we can't be bothered to think about what our mothers really want for Mother's Day. Because we weren't paying attention the entire year to notice her real interests. Because deep down inside, we all think our mother is there for us, and never the other way around.

So this is just a shout out to all the mothers out there. You don't just deserve a present on this random day of the year. You deserve it every day. We'll try to be better next year.

Taking our rights, there's no other way

A few months ago, I was talking to my family about some of the major gender issues that really need to be raised in Lebanon. I also said that I am angry enough to engage in activities that promote these issues and raise awareness. To my shock, one of my close relatives blurted out "I thought you were more mature than that. We are in the midst of an Arab awakening. There's no time for western values." I am not going to go into the fit of rage that followed but suffice to say that this was not the only time I had heard such reasoning from people who should know better.

What made me think of this incident is the recent campaign against rape (#FightRape) launched in Lebanon  and which seems to be gaining quite a bit of momentum (check out and join the facebook page here). The thing is, at first, I couldn't get my head around it because the campaign is basically pressuring parliament to adopt the draft Law Protection from Domestic Violence. In other words, it is demanding that the government start penalizing husbands for raping their wives. Apparently, society in Lebanon is not ready for government to intervene in such delicate matters, and by society I mean religious leaders and by delicate matters I mean awful crimes. I always thought the most prominent issue Lebanese women faced was that they could not pass on their nationality to their children, because I relate to that. I couldn't believe that in a country that boasts its liberal values to those around it, a woman can be raped by a man and be forced to make him breakfast in the morning. But it's true. And there is no way to describe it but shameful. It needs to end.

But the problem is so much deeper than that. It's an epidemic. The country (and region) is diseased and it's time for some real solutions. I'm doing my bit and spreading the word about this campaign that is demanding a basic human right for protection from a government ambivalent to half its citizens.

If you're in Beirut then be there, on Saturday, January the 14th from noon until 3 pm at the Ministry of Interior. The demonstration will march to parliament. Bring your friends. Show those quasi-public servants that they are the only ones who are ambivalent.

Top 10 actors to look out for in 2012

It's been a while since I've made a list, and a longer while since I've written about something mindless. So here's my end-of-year contribution. A list of 10 amazing and not-too-shabby-looking actors  (ok fine, really hot and moderately talented actors) whom I'd like to see more of in 2012, because they made my 2011 that little bit more enjoyable. And I will start with the most obvious:

1. Ryan Gosling

I first saw Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson. Good movie. Good acting. Nothing to write home about. Lars and the Real Girl was original, funny and sweet. But he was a an awkward little thing. Then came Blue Valentine, in which the guy showed us some amazing talent. It was only until Drive and Ides of March though that I started to see something more. And the moment he took that shirt off in Crazy, Stupid, Love... it was all over. Watch and judge for yourselves.



2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Who remembers that scrawny teenager in 3rd Rock from the Sun? Here he is.

Who knew this kid was gonna grow into a bold young actor, undertaking challenging roles in indie movies like Brick, The Lookout and Mysterious Skin? His recent flicks (500) Days of Summer and Inception has given him mainstream recognition. But be on the "look out" as he blossoms into a star in this new hit 50/50.



3. James McAvoy

Maybe James McAvoy is less known for his role as Mr. Tumnus, the faun, in The Chronicles of Narnia, but this is where I first met him. Soon after he was cast in The Last King of Scotland and the underrated comedy, Penelope. His big break was surely Atonement, in which he made his mark on the soft-hearted of us - and whoever said they didn't at least hold back a tear are simply lying! Less impressive, for me at least, was X-Men: First Class - though to be honest his presence in that film made it more palatable. But seriously, look into his eyes. Don't you see a bright future that wants to just suck you in?

4. Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis started off as a silly little girl in That 70s Show. I'm not sure how much further she's ventured away from that, either as Meg Griffin in Family Guy or alongside Justin Timberlake in Friends with Benefits. However, I still think that she is a talented young actress, whose role, to be honest, was one of the few things I enjoyed in Black Swan (Yes. Natalie Portman drives me crazy).

5. Neil Patrick Harris

What can we say about Neil Patrick Harris? Teenage doctor in Doogie Houser turned serial womanizer in How I Met Your Mother turned gay in real life turned singer on Broadway. Here he is doing the  opening number at the 2011 Tony Awards. The guy's pretty funny, and he actually has talent.



6. Olivia Wilde


It's a shame that I can't watch Olivia Wilde every week as House's Thirteen anymore. She's moved on to bigger things. Guess I'm gonna have to catch up.

7. Hunter Parrish

Isn't it nice when you watch an 18-year-old become an adult right in front of your eyes? OK I sound kinda creepy but hey, everything about Weeds was kinda creepy. So, yeah, I enjoyed it. And one season I woke up, and Hunter Parrish was hot.

8. Marion Cotillard


Man. I feel like this is the only serious actor on my list... But she's not done yet.

Marion Cotillard Oscar De La Meilleure Actrice. Watch more top selected videos about: Academy Awards, Marion Cotillard

9. Darren Criss

Darren Criss, as Blaine Anderson, is the best thing that happened to Glee. After a disastrous ending for the first season, I was ready to stop. But then came this highly talented, up-beat and gorgeous yet boy-next-door-looking character, and I was back. We have caught him at the very start of his career. Let's hope there's a lot more to come.


Glee - Baby, It's Cold Outside por pedrinhorafa no Videolog.tv.

10. Emma Stone

We've been through this before and she already has a clip at the beginning of this post (with Ryan Gosling). But here she is again. Though you know what? With all her and Gosling's charm combined, they couldn't save that lame ass movie called Crazy, Stupid, Love. It was just a stupid film with only one super cool scene.

Myriam Achkar and the Collective Response

On 22 November 2011, Lebanon's independence day, the body of a 28-year-old Lebanese woman, Myriam Achkar, was found in the woods of Sahel Alma near Jounieh, north of Beirut. She was murdered by Fathi Jaber Al-Salatini, a Syrian national working as a janitor at a nearby monastery. He had apparently attempted to rape her. First I want to extend my sincere condolences to her family - although belated. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and suffering they are going through.

Although I was extremely shocked and angered by this crime, the reason I am writing this post is not to talk about the murder itself, but what it has shown about the level of discussion in the country. I may be mistaken but I strongly feel that this was one of the most widely discussed issue in the Lebanese blogosphere, from what it meant that she was a Christian and the fact that the murderer was Syrian to the debate about sexual violence against women in general and the irresponsible behaviour of media outlets. I have therefore collected all blogs addressing this heinous crime in this post, with a brief about some of the conclusions made for each. I will be adding more to it as I find them (please feel free to point out any that I've missed in the comments section and I will get to it).

Requiem for Jean Charles de Menezes

Many of you will remember Jean Charles, the Brazilian who was shot in the head seven times at the London Underground by the London Metropolitan police on July 22, 2005. They had misidentified him as one of the fugitives involved in the previous day's failed bombing attempts. The British people were shocked by his death and were left in a daze, wondering what the real value of their supposed security was.

Well last week, at the International Istanbul Biennial art exhibition, I found this lovely piece by the UK artist Claire Fontaine, a requiem for Jean Charles and I'd like to share it with you:

Gender and the operator

I am writing this post not quite sure what my opinion on the matter is, though I feel like I need to have a strong one. I have gotten accustomed to reading in the wanted ads of Arabic language papers calling for an operator or secretary, always female. In fact, yesterday, I called Byblos Bank in Beirut and got the automated answering system which asks to hold for the operator. In Arabic, it's the female operator (عاملة الهاتف).

I even encountered a situation at work when I caught our HR making the same generalization. When I asked them why they are assuming that this person has to be female, the response was, "Isn't that usually the case? Aren't office secretaries and receptionists generally women?" That is the reality of the situation. But my issue is why does it have to be spelled out as if it's a requirement? Doesn't that deter good male candidates from applying? And is that why these positions are mostly filled by women? Most importantly, why does this seems like a wrong that needs to be made right?

Does our Bambi view of nature need to change?

I'd like to share this thought-provoking quote from this excellent piece I recently read entitled The Business of Cooling the Planet:

"The Bambi view of nature is the wrong view," Eisenberger tells me as we settle in for a long conversation on his porch, looking at the ocean below. "On a longer time scale, nature is very violent. It operates by creation through disruption -- asteroid impacts, super-volcanoes, giant tsunamis that totally reset things." These disruptions created beautiful places like the Mendocino coast or the Grand Canyon. "There's this whole correlation in nature between violence and beauty," Eisenberger says. He pooh-poohs the idea of preserving the earth in its "natural state" because there's no such thing. "If we just leave nature alone, nature will not leave us alone," he says. "We should manage nature."

Calvin and Hobbes = Wisdom

The world be a better place if everyone reads this comic.

Labaki's Ou Hala La Wein: Form without content?

Is it finally here? The film that will get the international recognition that Lebanon has been waiting for? Ou Hala La Wein (Where Do We Go Now) has it all. It's got a rustic feel with a modern look. It's got an excellent cast, who can also sing. It's got drama and tragedy, with some pretty witty comedy. It touches upon, but never really gets into, a war that baffled many, enough to intrigue but not too much so as to take away from the drama. It's directed by a strong, confident, young woman who can also perform. I can't imagine how this film could possibly go unrecognized.

The definition of psychopath

"Psychopathy is a mental disorder characterized primarily by a lack of empathy and remorse, shallow emotions, egocentricity, and deceptiveness. Psychopaths are highly prone to antisocial behavior and abusive treatment of others, and are very disproportionately responsible for violent crime. Though lacking empathy and emotional depth, they often manage to pass themselves off as normal people by feigning emotions and lying about their pasts."

So in my opinion, anyone capable of doing this and telling a seventy year old mother, while beating her up, 'We're going to teach you a lesson. Obviously you did not know how to raise your kid', cannot be anything but psychopaths. Nothing explains this lack of humanity other than the perpetrator's physiological inability to be human. Of course this also applies to all those who give out the orders.

I really do hope Malek Jandali manages to get his family out of Syria. But I hope more that one day soon, he can play his music back home, where he belongs.

Did Nour Merheb Know Something We Don't?

I've been meaning to write a post this past week to share a few thoughts about freedom and our current state. I wanted to raise questions about whether we, as humans, can ever be really free? Do we, as a collective, really want to? And then, out of nowhere (obviously not for him), Nour Merheb, a Lebanese human rights activist kills himself. Last year, Nour had been sentenced by the Military Tribunal in Lebanon to three months in prison because he refused to pay a court-ordered fine in an assault case, in which he was the victim of a beating by an off-duty army soldier. His story in full and his struggle for justice can be found on his website.

Now it is extremely difficult to believe that there was no connection between his suicide and the sentence that he may, at some point, have had to serve. But the suicide note he left (via a video recording) leaves me a little baffled. Here are some excerpts:

الديكتاتور وشعبه

من وقت ما سمعت عن البوارج يللي عم تقصف اللاذقية وأنا عم بفكر بهالمقطع من كتاب قريتو من فترة. الكتاب اسمه (نداء ما كان بعيداً) للكاتب الليبي ابراهيم الكوني عن أحمد القرمانلي، يللي حكم طرابلس في القرن الثامن عشر وذكرني كتير بالحكام اللي عم نتفرج عليها هلق. وهيدا هو المقطع، وهو لحظة يقظ بعد ما وصلها حداً منهن:

"وبرغم أن النجاة في زمن الطاعون تعد استثناءً فريداً وهدية ربانية، لم يطمع أحد في نيلها. القرمانلي أيضاُ لم يفرح بالنجاة لأنه، ككل أهل المدينة، اعتبر الهدية حقاً مكتسباً برغم من أنه فقد في هذه المعركة عدداً من رجال دولته. ليس هذا فحسب، ولكنه فقد أعداداً هائلة من الجند، بل والآلاف من الأهالي الذين لم يعودوا بعد اليوم مجرد أهالٍ، ولكنه اكتشف لأول مرة أنهم روح المدينة وركيزة الإيالة كلها. وقد أحزنه ذلك إلى حد أيقن فيه أن البلاء لم يكتف بتجريده من الجيش، ولكنه جرده من الرعية التي رآها دائماً مجرد زحام دهماء، مجرد سواد أعظم، ولم يكتشف إلا بعد حلول النكبة أن هؤلاء كانوا هم الدولة، هم الإيالة، هم العرش، هم صاحب العرش الذي يدعي امتلاك العرش ناسياً أن لا وجود لعرش من دون وجود رعية تسند بسواعدها كيان العرش."

يللي بيقتل شعبه، ببطل حاكمه. الموضوع سهل.

Untold tales of courage: Confetti, hoover bags and a shrapnel

So here's Story 3 in the series of tales of courage by women during the Lebanese Civil War. You don't need to read Story 1 and Story 2 first but I've linked to them anyway. I am trying to collect as many as I can and so far it's been an intense experience. Here's the tale of Yola Sowan, in the summer of '82, during the Israeli invasion of Lebanon and later the siege of what was then called "West Beirut". The story took place in that part of the capital with the first shelling from the Israeli fleet. Yola didn't write the story, she relayed it to me in all its details. So this is me, telling you her story, in her voice, with her blessing:

Yes Madam, No Sir. Another classic from Lebanon.

Seriously. What the hell were MoneyGram thinking when they came up with these ads? Or is it just me and a few others who were insulted by them? But if that were true, then the voice overs of the "pilipino" and Shandra, who is only good at talking and knows it, would have been by an actual man from the Philippines and a Sri Lankan woman named Shandra. Not a Lebanese making fun of the two.

Oh and one more thing MoneyGram: It's not even funny.

MoneyGram Lebanon Summer Campaign Radio Spots:

Speaking of the Arab awakening, when are we going to wake up?

Nariman works in business development in Jordan and is on a mission to a gulf country. Throughout her trip, she would complain about the number Indians there were, and how it is difficult to understand them (once to an Indian expecting empathy), or how everything smells when they're around. At some point, she just blurts out "Look. I can't stand them. OK?" In one of the business meetings she had with a local, she started asking about the reasons for the competitive edge some companies have over others and then deduced "Yeah it's maybe cause they have so many Indians". The local business owner said "But we all employ many Indian engineers. You know they get paid more than Arabs. They don't need to come here, there's a boom in their country."

You'd expect Nariman to have been shocked to the core by this piece of info. But no. She made a derogatory remark and brushed it off. We are Arabs. Of course we are better.

True story.

The debate of the decade

Something interesting is happening in Jordan. People want to discuss issues, and they are finding more and more forums to do so. A few weeks ago, I attended two such events. The first was the "Debate on Advantages and Disadvantages of Nuclear Energy" organized by Edama and held on the 28th of June at the Landmark Hotel. The second was a lecture by Minister of Energy Khaled Touqan on "Nuclear Energy" at Shoman Cultural Center on July 4, which was followed by questions from the audience. I have to be honest that until then, I had not formed a definitive position on nuclear energy and it was in that frame of mind that I attended both debates, hoping to come out leaning one way or the other.

A long overdue dedication

A couple of weeks ago, I encountered a news item that transformed my mood into what I can only describe as a mix of sadness, quiet anger and helplessness. The news was of a jailed Iranian journalist and activist, Mr. Hoda Saber, who had died of a heart attack resulting from a 10-day hunger strike. "Mr Saber, who was in his 50s, began his strike on 2 June to protest about the death of fellow opposition figure Haleh Sahabi, during an incident at the funeral of her activist father." On the face of it, there is nothing about this tragedy that specifically warrants an emotional reaction from me. I had never heard of Mr. Saber and his death will in no likelihood affect my life. However, it was these reasons specifically that made me tweet this news story over and over. It was because I had never heard of him, because millions have never heard of him and never will, while he languished in jail and died alone, that I was saddened. It was because my life was not affected by his death that I felt culpable for being indifferent.

The social contract I never signed

Having just left the Ahliyyah School for Girls on the First Circle, beaming with pleasure at a lovely concert I had just attended (Thanks to the wonderful Dozan wa Awtar Singers), my friend Kariman and I embarked on what soon proved to be the most stressful drive in recent memory for the both of us. Apparently, we had not been warned that Rainbow street and all its side streets, were to be avoided at all costs on a Friday evening. To reach the Second Circle, which normally takes 3 minutes, took us exactly 1 hours and 30 minutes (from 9.20 pm until 10.50 pm. I can prove these numbers). Now having grown up in Beirut and still driving there quite often, I have to admit I've been through traffic like this, many many times, before. This was not the problem.

Untold tales of courage: Najla's story

A few months ago, I attempted to start a series of posts about courageous women who lived some amazing stories during the Lebanese Civil War. I started with one about my friend's mom but then never pursued it. Until today. The story for this post is very special to me, because it was written by my own mother. After some digging, I found out, from her obviously, that she actually kept a diary of everything that happened to her during the war. I asked her which one stood out more than the others, and she gave me this piece during the Israeli invasion of Beirut, in July 1982. What's below is my own translation, under it is the original in Arabic (more or less). I hope you take the time to read it, because it truly is a story of almost mad heroism that I am proud to be at least genetically linked to. And I think that with the direction this country is headed, it's very appropriate to remember the war, because this really should not be an option ever again...

32 - الحياة في بيروت

لقد انتهيت للتو من قراءة كتاب "32" لسحر مندور التي كالعادة سحرتني بولعها برأس بيروت والحياة اللطيفة ولو المحدودة فيها وأحببت أن أشاطر هذا المقطع من الكتاب:

وبينما أسعى لوضع السماعتين في أذني، أنتبه إلى أعصابي تتراقص على حافة الانتفجار. لماذا، لماذا هذه المرة؟! أستقصي السبب وأكتشفه. سائق سيارة الأجرة يعاني من عادة تبدو أنها خارج قدرته على السيطرة: يطلق زموره كل 10 ثوانٍ، "بيب" واحدة، سريعة، رتيبة، تثقب فراغ الشارع. كما أنها تبقى على ثباتها في ظل تواجد المارة فيه، حتى ولو كان اتجاه سيرهم يأتي في غير اتجاه سيره، أو كانت معالم الرياضة الصباحية بادية عليهم، أو كانوا يترجلون للتو من سيارة خاصة، أو من سيارة أجرى أخرى، أو على دراجة نارية، أو يتفرجون على واجهة عرض تجارية، أو يهمون بالجلوس في مقهى، أو يفرحون للقاء بعضهم صدفة في الشارع، أو يسيرون بشكل عادي جداً، لا يهم، يطلق زموره، باستسلام تام لعادة يتعايش معها، بسكينة، وبغض النظر عن العالم الخارجي.

أنصح بهذا الكتاب كما أنصح بآخر جميل للكاتبة وهو "حب بيروتي"، فسحر تتكلم لغة المدينة وتعرف مشاكلها اليومية، التي تتعامل معها بالكثير من الفكاهة لأنها تدرك بأن العالم قد يكون كبيراً جداً لكن رأس بيروت تبقى الملاذ الأول والأخير، وكل من عاش فيها يعلم بالضبط ما يعني ذلك.