What's a little beating between spouses?

It is statements like this that keep me optimistic about the future of the human race:

“We do not support violence against women, but God allowed a certain form of beating,”

This gem was uttered by Salafist preacher Yasser Borhamy, aka "godfather" of El-Nour Party in Egypt. To be fair, he did argue that even though the husband is permitted to beat his wife, no physical damage or scar should result from the beating.

God bless him.

An inappropriate question

Is it just me or has the entire world gone ape mad about women's sexual, reproductive and well.. basically human rights? Maybe I've become more sensitized to it but to be honest it's really not that difficult to see. From the Lebanese government's insulting reasoning of their rejection of women quota, despite their being a million other more dignified arguments against it, to Jordan's Minister of Education theory about females outperforming males in national exams. There is also that Neanderthal statement cited by al-Nahda's Ghanoushi that “a woman’s unique features revolve around her sexual functions”, while for a man it is secondary. The argument was used to propose changes to Tunisia's progressive constitution so that the woman's role in the family "complement" that of the man, instead of having equal rights unconditionally.

Of course we shouldn't forget the equally ridiculous arguments made in the US, mainly by middle-aged/old male Republicans, and culminating in the pure ignorance of Todd Akin's: "First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

We are bombarded with insults like that every day, continuously. Some of them may be out of ignorance, but there is a desire for control at the root of it all. There is an insecurity and fear of change, intricately intwined with the complicated sexual and reproductive process, which is why in many cases women are accomplices. And so, from now on, every time I am offended as a woman, you will hear from me. And I start with a personal experience, at the emergency room.

So every time I am admitted into the ER, the first question I am asked by the attending doctor is: "Are you married?" Although I always found it weird, I never thought much of it until one time, and after replying "yes", the doctor said: "Any chance you could be pregnant?" The reason she asked was because she was prescribing me an X-ray and a medication, both of which would clearly be harmful for a fetus. So if the question was only meant to safeguard the fetus, why not just ask if I could be pregnant? (euphemism for "Are you sexually active?") What if someone could be pregnant but she's not married. She will say no to the first question and that's it. No follow up question. Worse, if she did realize that an X-ray can't be good for a fetus, what is she supposed to do? Confess that it is possible that she is pregnant and bear the judgement of the entire hospital?

A doctor's job is to protect life and maintain health, not to make moral judgements. We leave that task to society's hypocritical do-nothings.

The debate on misogyny

It's been quite an intense few days, spurred by the release of Foreign Policy's sex issue and, more controversially, Mona El Tahawy's piece Why Do They Hate Us, to which many, many feminists, activists and bloggers responded with justified, and in some cases unjustified, anger or disappointment. This post is not intended to give my own personal opinion on that piece because I think there is not much I can add that has not already been said. And although I do believe that El Tahawy's portrayal of a victimized, helpless woman is becoming exceedingly irrelevant among Arab feminists, I was happy to see the quick and massive response to her piece (which I'm sure would have been otherwise ignored if it hadn't been awarded the cover page of the magazine). The thing is, there is a movement. And that on its own is a wonderful thing.

I am sharing some of these responses, with the hope that this discussion continues and veers even further away from the argument on misogyny. Because we all know that it's so much more complicated than that:

Mona: Why Do You Hate Us?

Do Arab men hate women? It's not that simple

I don't really think they hate us!

Let's Talk About Sex

Us and Them: On Helpless Women and Orientalist Imagery

Hatred and misogyny in the Middle East, a response to Mona el Tahawy

Love, Not Hatred, Dear Mona!

A response to Mona el Tahawy « Neo-colonialism and its Discontents

Mona Kareem: In response to Mona Eltahawy’s hate argument

Dear Mona Eltahawy: You do not represent “Us”

The Real Roots of Sexism in the Middle East (It's Not Islam, Race, or 'Hate')

On "Why do they hate us?" and its critics

Eltahawy's 'hate' fuels real war on 'us'

Politics at the Tip of the Clitoris: Why, in Fact, Do They Hate Us?

Enjoy the debate!

Gender and the operator

I am writing this post not quite sure what my opinion on the matter is, though I feel like I need to have a strong one. I have gotten accustomed to reading in the wanted ads of Arabic language papers calling for an operator or secretary, always female. In fact, yesterday, I called Byblos Bank in Beirut and got the automated answering system which asks to hold for the operator. In Arabic, it's the female operator (عاملة الهاتف).

I even encountered a situation at work when I caught our HR making the same generalization. When I asked them why they are assuming that this person has to be female, the response was, "Isn't that usually the case? Aren't office secretaries and receptionists generally women?" That is the reality of the situation. But my issue is why does it have to be spelled out as if it's a requirement? Doesn't that deter good male candidates from applying? And is that why these positions are mostly filled by women? Most importantly, why does this seems like a wrong that needs to be made right?

Giving the term "matching clothes" a whole new meaning

I'm currently attending CityScape Abu Dhabi, an exhibition and conference on real estate in the region. The exhibition obviously hosts booths of regional players showing off their luxiourous residential or tourist projects and investments. The booths are actually quite fancy and in most cases tasteful. But something caught my attention and increasingly disturbs me. The women representing the exhibitors are not only required to wear the same clothes (in most cases extremely short skirts), they are also dressed in accordance with brand, i.e. The same exact colors as the logo. The men, on the other hand, are simply wearing suits. What exactly does this mean? That the women exhibitors are actually exhibition items, like the branded pens and chocolates? Are they also on offer somehow?

Something is not right here.

What we really need

A while back, my mom was planning a business trip to a certain Arab country but realized she didn't have sufficient time for the visa. Since my dad knew the ambassador, he decided to call and see if there was any way to issue the visa earlier. As soon as he started explaining the situation to him, the ambassador interrupted "Speak no more. I understand. You want to make sure her visa gets denied without implicating yourself. Consider it done!" Of course my dad then assured him that this wasn't the case at all and he had no problem with the fact that his wife, a PhD holder who owns a well known establishment for making educational toys and books for children and teaches at the American University of Beirut, travels on business.

So a Khaleeji guy walks into the Interconti lobby

I'm sitting in the Doha Intercontinental lobby with a friend having a drink and minding my own business. An Asian woman shows up, sits at the piano and starts playing some pretty mediocre music, as you normally do in hotel lobbies. Soon we notice two local men standing right next to her saying things like "Hello. How are you? What is your name?" The woman is obviously annoyed and does not respond. Then a male hotel employee shows up to the rescue, takes the men aside and starts talking to them. "Please. The woman is playing the piano. She cannot chat." One of the neanderthals responds "But I want her to come and sit next to me." The employee says "You cannot ask her now. You have to wait until she's done playing." An angry response comes "You don't tell me what the rules are!" I'm not sure how they finally resolved the issue and quite frankly I don't care. All I could think about was how many times an employee did not show up to tell that guy to respect the woman playing the piano.

Independent and happy women: A myth?

I have been rattled. I'm confused. And I'm not sure what to believe anymore. All my life, I've been brought up to trust in one thing: My career is a continuous strive towards perfection marked by never ending successes. Of course family comes first, but work is pretty damn close. This is the only way to get respect and be treated as an equal. I work 9-10 hours a day and come into the office on weekends more often than not. Sure I've had my setbacks but I've always tried to remain focused. If I am not happy with my job, it's because I need to change it. I never considered an alternative.

When paternity leave and HDI meet

Has anyone heard about the study done by Lancaster University on 1,100 working fathers in the UK? Well get this. The interim results of this study is that fathers are happier when they, take a deep breath:
1. do more of the housework themselves.
2. spend longer times with their children.
3. have working partners who are in the office just as long as they are.

I love these findings! And I think they constitute a major step towards striking a balance between gender roles. What I don't love is the following. According to the 2010 Human Development Report prepared by the United Nations Development Programme, Arab states suffer a loss of 28% in the inequality-adjusted human development index. The comparison with sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia, which were the only regions that had greater losses due to inequality, is sadder. What's worse is that "the Arab countries collectively had the highest overall loss of any region in the education dimension: 43%." This is largely attributed to gender inequality.

I say, we can talk about economic development, democracy and transparency all we like, but the bottom line is this: If we don't educate our girls properly and allow them to participate in world outside, we are gonna be stuck in the same loop. Almost half our population cannot contribute to our economy and the poor Arab man ends up less happy and more stressed out than his British peer.

So let's do this, if not for our women, then for our men.

The little things

This is a picture from today's Addustour concerning a news item on water costs and government subsidies. But that's not what I want to talk about. The caption below the picture translates into "Ministry of Water Secretary General in the Press Conference". Now you tell me, from the picture, which one is the Secretary General? Would you ever consider that it's not the man with the large red microphone who seems to be hogging the conversation and speaking with authority?

Well it's not. It's the lady in the back, who probably looks like she's writing minutes or just watching the audience.

Just thought I'd share this. Cause in the end, regardless of achievement, it's the little things that matter.