What really bothers me about the Mother's Day sales pitch

I am well aware of what it means to advertise a washing machine or a vacuum clearer on Mother's Day. It says that moms are there to cook for you, do your dishes and wash your clothes and that the best thing you can give them for Mother's Day is something that will make that part of their life easier. And I do admit that it bugs me when I see those ads up there on the billboards, reminding us all women that no matter how far in our careers we advance, a part of society will always see us as juice making pressure cookers. But what bothers me even more is this: If the ads don't speak to anyone, why are they still running them? If appliance stores don't get flooded with customers on Mother's Day, would they all really keep spending on the same failed concept year after year?

The thing is, the problem is more than the role of women in our society - and this where I get cheesy. We buy these appliances because we can't be bothered to think about what our mothers really want for Mother's Day. Because we weren't paying attention the entire year to notice her real interests. Because deep down inside, we all think our mother is there for us, and never the other way around.

So this is just a shout out to all the mothers out there. You don't just deserve a present on this random day of the year. You deserve it every day. We'll try to be better next year.

The social contract I never signed

Having just left the Ahliyyah School for Girls on the First Circle, beaming with pleasure at a lovely concert I had just attended (Thanks to the wonderful Dozan wa Awtar Singers), my friend Kariman and I embarked on what soon proved to be the most stressful drive in recent memory for the both of us. Apparently, we had not been warned that Rainbow street and all its side streets, were to be avoided at all costs on a Friday evening. To reach the Second Circle, which normally takes 3 minutes, took us exactly 1 hours and 30 minutes (from 9.20 pm until 10.50 pm. I can prove these numbers). Now having grown up in Beirut and still driving there quite often, I have to admit I've been through traffic like this, many many times, before. This was not the problem.

My naïve conclusion

I feel like I’m ten years younger writing this post, saying something that should be basic to any curious and intelligent being who is well into her thirties. But I justify it as delayed maturity caused by a late onset of teenagehood at the age of 21. So here goes.

I recently read an article by Adam Curtis about development of the concept of humanitarian intervention (obviously spurred by the highly debated western intervention in Libya). It goes without saying that this extensively researched piece is a must read. However, in summary, Curtis describes how a group of French philosophers, innately interested in helping victims of injustice, started a thought movement that justified intervention aimed at achieving this justice, by force. Needless to say, that journey was a bumpy ride that in my opinion can no longer be seriously defended, for two main reasons. One is that when you use violence, for whatever reason, you will attract the vilest people who would jump at the opportunity to take advantage. The second is that no matter how well you think you understand the situation on the ground, how many experts you consult with and how smart your weapons are, you can never predict the outcome of the intervention and ensure that more innocent lives will be saved than if you hadn’t lifted a finger. So humanitarian work reaches another dead end. Where do humans go from here?

What about ME? (A guest post by Bana Bashour)

I was recently sitting at a café in Miami when two teenaged girls walked past me with similar t-shirts saying: “I love ME”. It was obviously a play on the I love NY t-shirt, so I wondered why these young ladies felt they had to express their affection towards the Middle East. Was it out of solidarity? Out of concern? Was it that the recent developments in Egypt and Tunisia moved them so much that they had to express their admiration for that part of the world? It was only then that I realized that ME was not an acronym. These young ladies were simply expressing their affection towards themselves, and doing it so the whole world would see.

That is not a surprising image in the 21st century. Facebook and Twitter provide the ideal forum for people to share every detail of their lives, every mood they are going through and every meal they have eaten. In fact, they are so encouraged by others who “like” their statuses (the likers were probably referring to themselves and their own feelings towards the relevant experience/mood/meal). It’s not a bad thing to love oneself, it may not even be a bad thing to be self-centered, for after all, our “self” is the only lens through which we can see the world, and having a better understanding of this “self” enables you to understand the world and other people better. So what’s the problem?

Everyone wants a piece of the revolution

Before we get into this, I'd like to clarify two things:

1. I am fully aware that the situation we are in is most likely the result of years and years of bad government policies and opportunistic behaviour by a select few.
2. I am even more aware that I will probably never make an impact in the real world, because my ideals are too extreme and frustratingly impractical.

Fortunately for me, and maybe unfortunately for you, technology has given me this platform to let my voice be heard, if only by a small number of people. I know that a lot of us are still high on the domino effect of democracy that started with Mohamed Bouazizi's desperate act of giving up on his country. Yet, we are struggling to find our own path, some of us asking for reform, others for a secular government. I am not quite sure, however, if we are just riding the wave of revolution or if there is a genuine desire (I had argued in an earlier post that I don't believe there is a real need) for change. Are we certain that we don't just want the desire to change, instead of change itself?

Let's talk about sex

I want to share with you a story that I heard recently from a 23-year-old woman, let's call her Rana, who comes from a well-off middle class family and has just returned to Amman after obtaining her degree from a university abroad. As Rana enthusiastically started work at a well-respected Jordanian firm, she soon found herself face to face with what I believe is one of the biggest issues facing working women today. Rana's 40 something-year-old superior, let's call him Ra'id, turned out to be, to put it mildly, a flirt. Of course this is a problem that can easily be handled, just don't encourage him, and if needed politely push him away.

Change in the Arab world, where do we fit in?

It feels like a historic moment and people have gone crazy trying to be a part of it. From Facebook, to Twitter to demonstrations outside embassies all over the world, we, as Arabs, are obviously craving something. But is it the same thing? I think that's a very important question we need to ask ourselves. I look around me and I see a revolution in Tunisia over an economic situation that has deteriorated beyond what the people can accept. Will change give them what they want? I don't know. Maybe. At least waste from corruption will decrease. What about Egypt? I hear statements like revolution of the "middle class poor", educated professionals who don't have a chance of a decent life because the system has become too corrupt to accommodate them. I can relate to that.

So a Khaleeji guy walks into the Interconti lobby

I'm sitting in the Doha Intercontinental lobby with a friend having a drink and minding my own business. An Asian woman shows up, sits at the piano and starts playing some pretty mediocre music, as you normally do in hotel lobbies. Soon we notice two local men standing right next to her saying things like "Hello. How are you? What is your name?" The woman is obviously annoyed and does not respond. Then a male hotel employee shows up to the rescue, takes the men aside and starts talking to them. "Please. The woman is playing the piano. She cannot chat." One of the neanderthals responds "But I want her to come and sit next to me." The employee says "You cannot ask her now. You have to wait until she's done playing." An angry response comes "You don't tell me what the rules are!" I'm not sure how they finally resolved the issue and quite frankly I don't care. All I could think about was how many times an employee did not show up to tell that guy to respect the woman playing the piano.

The death of the retweet button*

When I first heard the term Social Media, I didn't quite grasp its significance. But then I delved into it, by joining Facebook, Linked In and Twitter and started hearing things like "You're not supposed to do stuff like that on Linked In" and "What do you mean you didn't "like" it? That's why he's angry with you." and the more common "That's not really appropriate material for Twitter." Of course I now use these expressions too, as the medium quickly develops into an independent society with etiquette, norms and yes, traditions. Since I'm not really an expert, I am not going get into the sociocultural theories behind all this. What I want to do is just express my amazement at one specific phenomenon.

Smart phones and the illusion of identity

Having an iPhone makes me feel that I am a fun-loving adult who hasn't lost touch with her childhood. Partly in jest, I usually deride BlackBerry owners as stuck up business person wannabes who think they look professional just for owning one. Of course BB users retort by making fun of my "toy". The Android phone owners take a different stance. They are at a higher moral ground because they support open-source solutions, instead of the "fascist" closed-source that is Mac (Yes. I have heard the word used in that specific context). Of course the counter-argument by iPhone users is that no one who spends over 700 dollars on a mobile can claim any moral superiority.

Fairy tales don't just suck

If you and me have ever sat down for a chat, odds are you've heard this argument in some form or another. It always comes up and never fails to stir angry thoughts in my head. Why did it come up now? Because every time I go into a toy store to buy my little nieces a present, I am bombarded with fairy tale princess pillow covers, balloons, cups, dresses and barbies. And I know that if I got any of them, I will score points with the girls. And that always bothered me.

Of motivational posters and other useless stuff

So I'm watching this pretty cool comedy called Modern Family and I stumble upon a couple of scenes that fit nicely with something that's been on my mind for a while. Not sure how well I'm gonna be able to get my point across. But here goes. Scene 1: In the dad's attempt to comfort his step-son, he brings him a poster that says: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", to which Manny, the son and my favourite character on the show, retorts "That's not true. Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker. My friend's grandfather had a heart attack, now he needs a machine to breathe.”

Time we'll never get back

The chairman of the board of the company where I work is a well-accomplished but humble man. He built a company from scratch and it is now a relatively large firm with a headquarter building in Amman. In that building, there is a parking spot dedicated for his car. I guess that's not a lot to ask. Unfortunately, the entrance to that spot is frequently blocked by visitors to the Lands and Survey Department next door to our office. I've often seen him through my window walk to his car, heading out to a meeting, only to find that he cannot leave because someone decided that they'll be gone for "only five minutes" and parked their car there. Sometimes I go out to chat with him while the gentleman  / gentlewoman return. And sometimes he's too angry to converse with. One day, I was standing outside next to him when the person returned and immediately got into his car to leave. The chairman approached the driver, and I will never forget what he said. "Can I ask you something?" The driver responded in a friendly way, "Sure" and my boss, very calmly, went "How come your time is more valuable than mine?"

The Queen of Confrontation

One of my favourite Seinfeld moments is from the episode where Elaine talks about this neighbour she met once at a party and kept saying hello to at a diminishing rate of excitement until one day he decided to stop. Elaine of course couldn't let that go. Here's the scene as described by her:

Elaine: So, I walked up behind him and I tapped him on the shoulder. And I said, “Hi, remember me?” And he furrows his brow, as if he’s really trying to figure it out. So I said to him, I said, “You little phony. You know exactly who I am.”

Jerry: You said "you little phony"?

Elaine: I did. I most certainly did. And he said, he goes, “Oh, yeah. You’re Jeanette’s friend. We did meet once.” And I said, “Well, how do you go from that to totally ignoring a person when they walk by?”

Jerry: This is amazing.

Elaine: And he says, he says, “Look, I just didn’t want to say hello anymore, All right?” And I said, “Fine. Fine. I didn’t want to say hello anymore either, but just I wanted you to know that I’m aware of it!”

Jerry: You are the Queen of Confrontation.

(End of Scene)