tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post1522694754733249965..comments2023-07-06T10:36:47.048+03:00Comments on Lama's Scrapbook: Independent and happy women: A myth?Lama Bashourhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10669038705535178263noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-50595806736523284092010-12-29T20:41:52.093+02:002010-12-29T20:41:52.093+02:00As a working mom, who has never been so stressed i...As a working mom, who has never been so stressed in her life, I'd have to say it's a tough choice. I work part time or flexible hours and it helps, but it still feels like work gets more of me than I do! I think the Dutch have the right idea, but you'd have to be, looking for self actualization for it to work, not career ladders or success, whatever that is?Karimanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07092155208367516428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-13683547307372544252010-11-26T22:06:16.533+02:002010-11-26T22:06:16.533+02:00I agree with Nis' thoughts. The struggle women...I agree with Nis' thoughts. The struggle women have fought was about the option to choose. <br />It does not necessarily mean we have to work full time, have to be in a managerial position including children and a phd. <br />It means we are given the option without being restricted by men, society or overcome ideas.<br /><br />The article about the Dutch was interesting for me because I am German (and young and female) and its astonishment wasn't something I felt or could relate to while reading it. Germany and the Netherlands are similar in a variety of aspects.<br />Both countries are - even though to a declining degree - welfare states. With that in mind, it is easier to think about why the Dutch women feel less pressured to work full time. There is a social net helping out. The state pays maternity leave (in Germany up to a year and 70% of your income), childcare is provided and it's cost are a percentage of your income. The tuition fees for universities are less than at American universities leaving graduates to a smaller debts if at all. And that just names a few.<br /><br />Those are all factors that should be taken under consideration.<br />What the Dutch article also fails to state is the degree to which Dutch men are involved in the day to day affairs of household chores. <br />It's interesting how the comments stirred away from this aspects and fully to the direction of the pursuit of happiness.<br /><br />If you truly love the job you do, I believe it makes you happy. And the findings of BBC studies are just numbers that don't have to apply for you.<br />If you want it all (work, marriage, kids) you need to find someone who wants you to have it all. And this, I believe, is the bigger problem in Middle Eastern societies.Annikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11811201439098280549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-45395852889484481152010-11-25T11:27:05.192+02:002010-11-25T11:27:05.192+02:00Love this...I think it is a daily thought in many ...Love this...I think it is a daily thought in many of our minds. I honestly think that when we find the job, the hobby, the life we truely enjoy we find that balance therefore find the happiness. I think a lot of us aren't really enjoying our jobs, we are just in our comfort zone (be it for financial reasons or just don't realy know what we want so stick to what we have)...if we know what we really want to do we with our career and go for it we would be happy and that would then reflect on our personal life making us happy women and really free women.Maynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-60128822584419054652010-11-25T11:23:42.698+02:002010-11-25T11:23:42.698+02:00My answer to happiness is: Go and start your own c...My answer to happiness is: Go and start your own company! hire men to run it and then go and have all the fun you want!...I wish ;-)Razanhttp://thewebsessed.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-26593626738476231232010-11-24T23:47:16.642+02:002010-11-24T23:47:16.642+02:00I believe happiness is a subjective state of mind....I believe happiness is a subjective state of mind. I’m sure if you ask ten different people of different backgrounds each will give you a varying definitions which can range from purely philosophical to outright shallow, and they would all be right in their own understanding of this ever-elusive set or blend of positive emotions.<br /><br />I can safely assume that we can never experience real happiness unless we go through misery, which means that aside from it being subjective it’s comparative as well, which all assert the fact that what, for instance, might be the source of your happiness will not necessarily be the source of mine, it all depends on several attributes according to our gender, age, background, upbringing, socioeconomic status and several others. Of course there are basic and universal prerequisites once fulfilled the subjectivity and comparativeness kicks in.<br /><br />Another thing I believe in is that there is no such thing as a “happy person” in it’s abstract sense. I can never find anyone who is absolutely happy, day in, day out, with tragedies only putting small yet curable dents in their constant level of contentment. Therefore, what we’re left with is tiny bits of very personal happy moments and little pleasures (which some find them too silly to even tell) that can elevate us to a higher level of contentment. These moments and little pleasures turn into an acquired need to experience them repeatedly.<br /><br />I’m going to be cheesy for a bit to got closer to my point. You have the crappiest of jobs, but when you go home and your kid, or loved one greets you with an anxious hug, you forget all about whatever you were going through. But it’s always downhill after that.<br /><br />The process of elevation along with anticipation to being elevated is what I think happiness is, it’s the uptrend in our “state of mind vs time” trend line. With the peaks being the most happy we can ever get and troughs the least we will ever be.<br /><br />This could be a simplistic way of looking at it, but as I said I believe there’s no universal preset rules that one can follow to make them happy.Talalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00905912952842028305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-62299383869850781582010-11-24T17:52:05.467+02:002010-11-24T17:52:05.467+02:00Lovely post, Lama. The choice you say we now have ...Lovely post, Lama. The choice you say we now have (which I agree that we do) gets us closer to achieving what is ideal in the pursuit of happiness –- attending to the activity one engages in, not whether it is for work, family, or leisure (as Najla commented, these could very well be combined.) Completing a task or goal that one sets for herself is itself rewarding, regardless of whether the goal advances the woman's career or enhances her family/interpersonal conditions. That's why behavioral psychology works -- it is about the behavior of the individual in his/her environment (not group-based, random statistics), but that's another story...Nidalnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-37513784866980479452010-11-24T16:50:59.529+02:002010-11-24T16:50:59.529+02:00As an old tired/retired feminist/post-feminist I h...As an old tired/retired feminist/post-feminist I have to stress that all that we ever fought for (or they fought for) was to expand our options as a woman kind, to be able to choose. <br /><br />I don't think men are happier than us (we still outlive them by a decade) and even if the rules are theirs, we still have the option to carve out a little more space and carry out civil disobedience from time to time.Nisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-82294049102140860142010-11-24T16:19:43.513+02:002010-11-24T16:19:43.513+02:00As someone who works at least 10 hours a day and s...As someone who works at least 10 hours a day and suffers neck pains, fatigue and ugly dark circles around my eyes (any way we can increase the number of hours a day???), I have asked myself that same question. I believe that in the quest to find our voice and rights as women, we may have lost ourselves. Dont get me wrong, I am proud of what my fellow females have achieved and I believe that there is more to be done. My point of contention is in the definition of independence and what it means to be an "equal". Perhaps it has more to do with the perception of what is a more valuable contribution: raising a healthy family or having a successful career. In theory they are equal, but in reality the perception is not so clear. And until this perception changes, we (as women) will always be struggling. At the end of the day, we live in a man's world, and we have to play by their rules!!Sireennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-26701356797784778152010-11-24T16:08:15.852+02:002010-11-24T16:08:15.852+02:00Interesting, except that there are people who enjo...Interesting, except that there are people who enjoy their work, especially the productive, creative aspect of it. Doesn’t the feeling of real contribution give us satisfaction? Some kind of work is really enjoyable, and makes one happy. So I think it's unfair to place all kind of ‘work’ in the same basket.Najlanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11726955.post-91285431150994359312010-11-24T11:02:16.781+02:002010-11-24T11:02:16.781+02:00Bless you and your thoughts :) I always think abou...Bless you and your thoughts :) I always think about this, and as you have said; The answer is not that simple and I don't know if I will ever find it.Zainab's viewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12885963076494623200noreply@blogger.com